03/11/2026
WASHED THE CAR.
THE PIGEON’S ALREADY REVIEWED IT. 😂
You know the routine.
Get the bucket out.
Hose.
Shampoo.
Wash mitt.
Spend half your time convincing a hosepipe to stop folding itself in half.
Do the wheels.
Do the glass.
Find the bit you missed.
Do that bit.
Stand back.
Lovely.
For one brief, beautiful moment, the car looks like it belongs to someone who has their life together.
Then…
SPLAT.
Right in the middle of the bonnet.
Of course.
There’s a pigeon on the gutter looking down like it’s just signed the work off.
Did you WAIT?
Were you up there with a little clipboard?
“Not yet, lads. He’s still doing the windscreen.”
“Hold.”
“Hold.”
“Right. He’s put the bucket away. Release.”
And it’s never a discreet little contribution near the back.
No.
Front and centre.
A statement.
You can almost hear it:
“Missed a bit, Dan.”
The cheek of a creature that’s never paid for anything but still thinks it owns every roof in Britain.
Then someone says:
“At least the car’s clean underneath.”
Wonderful.
I’ll mention that while I’m washing the same f**king panel for the second time.
And if a bird doesn’t get there first, it’ll rain the exact sort of dusty rain that makes the car look like it’s been parked inside a cement mixer.
I don’t need a ceramic coating at this point.
I need a small diplomatic agreement with the local wildlife.
What’s the shortest time your car has ever stayed clean?
And which is worse: bird mess, dusty rain or somebody leaning against it with a zip on their coat? 👀
— Dan | DK Motor Group