04/25/2026
Some of you know. Most of you do not. I should be dead... three times over. On March 13th (Friyay Trece) at 5:13pm, an inattentive driver pulled in front of me on my motorcycle and I splatted into the side of their SUV. I was fully geared up but the impact was ~30mph. I was quickly taken to the ER via firemen (well ahead of police or ambulance arriving on the scene) and the hospital staff went right to work on saving my life for the first time. I had 16 broken ribs, broken sternum, broken femur, and 5x fractured neck vertebrae. They removed my spleen and repaired my colon, liver, and kidney but my punctured lungs required two weeks of surgery and work to get under control. I only have a few vague confusing memories from this phase as I was mostly sedated. Just when everyone was beginning to breathe easy about my narrow escape from death, I developed necrotizing pneumonia. It's nasty stuff, you should google it -- I won't cuz I lived through it. My first clear and sober memories are of the agonizing pain of coughing up burnt-broccoli-death. It was horrific. The night before lung surgery day, I did not sleep for 9 hours as my heart rate rose, my blood pressure dropped, and my breathing became difficult to control. Everyone assumed I was having an anxiety/panic attack but I knew something else was wrong. Luckily, a doctor on their daily morning rounds recognized the situation for what it was: my heart was drowning. When questioned as to the timeline of heart surgery, he literally said "an hour, hour and a half ago". I was immediately rushed into the OR where they drained 600mL of constricting fluid from around my heart. There's my 2nd narrow escape from death -- I was later told that my skin was gray that morning. Several days later, I went in for my 5th surgery: this time to cut out the dead lung tissue and hopefully stop the necrotizing pneumonia. This surgery was my worst: I woke up to excruciating pain and they could not provide any additional pain meds so I was forced to simply suffer through it. At this point, I had a drain tube from under my heart and three drain tubes from between my ribs for my right lung. Life was uncomfortable, to say the least. However, they had successfully stopped the necrotizing pneumonia so I was going to live (number 3!)... but my lungs were still engulfed in a sea of other nasty bacteria and thus began the IV antibiotic barrage: 5 bags a day for almost 3 weeks. Compared to everything to date, I had little place to complain, but omg the nausea and lack of appetite and stomach pain made existence just godawful miserable. During my stay, I set an unofficial hospital record of NINE drain tubes installed and removed from my chest. I spent a total of exactly 5 weeks in the ICU and 1 week in rehab. As of yesterday, I am now released back into the world: battered and broken, but ALIVE. I have extremely limited mobility, a lot of pain, and an intimidating long road of recovery ahead of me. Work is on hold indefinitely. I keep asking myself the bigger meaning behind all of this: why was I granted another chance at life (other than just being a stubborn so*******ch who refuses to die), what is my grander purpose, what should I do with this new opportunity? And I just keep coming back to love. To continue to love, to increase my love, to expand my love. I spent 6 weeks in the hospital and I was never alone. Danielle and Dad were by my side almost the entire time - honorable mentions to Teng and Kristen who also came through and provided caretaker services. And I can't forget the ICU nurses who went well above and beyond their job. All of their selfless love kept me going and fueled me through the toughest experience of my life. And as I continue onwards, I owe it to myself and to the world to take that love and pay it forward. To keep loving my life, my work, my family, my friends, my neighbors, my environment, and my SELF. That last one has always been the hardest but it's about time I realize that a lot of people care about me and really don't want to see me dead. That's what motivates and drives me to continue to work through this pain and get back to a place where I can provide happiness... cuz right now my gollum-lookin ass ain't able to be out spreading smiles.
