10/18/2026
🚨 CONFIDENTIAL: RMRCR’S FIRST OFFICIAL HR INVESTIGATION 📋🏁
It’s been nearly eight months since Rocky Mountain RC Raceway came under new ownership, and management has decided it’s time for our first employee performance reviews.
After months of questionable workplace behavior, excessive time spent playing with toy cars, and a thorough investigation by our completely fictional HR department, the results are in. Frankly, we’re not sure how some of these people are still employed. 😂
🏎️ GARY | OWNER
Time on Driver’s Stand: 10/10
Finding Another Car to Wrench On: 15/10
Profanity-Free Sentences: 2/10
📝 HR Findings: Employee appears to have purchased an entire racetrack to support his RC addiction. HR considered implementing a swear jar but determined it would generate enough revenue to pay off the building.
🔧 IAN | SHOP MANAGER & RACE DIRECTOR
Electronic Skills: 12/10
Multitasking: 9/10
Uninterrupted Work Time: 0/10
📝 HR Findings: Employee is frequently observed attempting seven tasks simultaneously. Has been informed that “Hey Ian, real quick…” is not actually a five-second conversation.
🏁 STEVE | TRACK MANAGER
Jack-of-All-Trades Ability: 10/10
Pit Socialization: 14/10
Ability to Stop Working and Just Race: 3/10
📝 HR Findings: Official job description remains unclear. Frequently observed helping racers fix their cars in the pits, only to turn around and beat them on the track.
📸 KEELEY | SOCIAL MEDIA
Unprompted Dancing: 12/10
Podium Location Communication: -4/10
Willingness to Risk Life & Limb for the Perfect Camera Angle: 15/10
📝 HR Findings: Employee is frequently found crouched in questionable locations attempting to photograph cars traveling at high speeds. Continues to relocate the podium photo area without notifying anyone. Racers have requested GPS coordinates and 24 hours’ notice. Request denied. 😂
🚜 OUR TRACK CREW & RACING COMMUNITY
Willingness to Help: 100/10
Going Above and Beyond: 11/10
Appreciation From Management: Off the Charts
📝 HR Findings: From track rebuilds to taking out trash, tidying the pits, and blowing off the track, our racers routinely step up without being asked. Their efforts don’t go unnoticed, and we’re incredibly grateful for everyone who helps keep this place running!
📋 FINAL HR REPORT:
Despite questionable performance metrics and a complete inability to separate work from their favorite hobby, all employees have been approved for continued employment.
Mostly because finding replacements willing to work for RC parts and track time has proven difficult. 😂
In all seriousness, these past eight months have been quite the adventure, and we couldn’t do it without the people who make RMRCR what it is.
Now it’s your turn… Did HR get these evaluations right, or does someone need to be put on a Performance Improvement Plan? 👀🏁
