03/09/2026
👀 WHAT PEOPLE THINK CHRIS IS DOING VS WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY DOING 👀
We know what it looks like…
Chris is sat in a car on the dyno, laptop open, staring at a screen for what feels like forever. He does a dyno run, presses a few buttons, gets back out of the car, disappears into the workshop, starts talking to Ben or Aaron about something completely unrelated, makes a brew, comes back, presses a few more buttons…
Meanwhile everyone else is running around the workshop and it looks like Chris has got the easiest job in the building.
The reality is slightly different.
When Chris is sat behind that laptop, there can quite literally be 100 different things going on at once.
Before we even get to making power, the original software needs to be read from the ECU. Depending on the vehicle and ECU, that can involve removing it from the car, benching it, unlocking it, backing up the original data and making sure everything is safely stored before any changes are made.
Then the actual tuning starts.
And despite what it might look like, Chris isn’t just watching the horsepower figure climb on the dyno screen.
He’s monitoring live data from the ECU. boost pressure, ignition timing, knock correction, lambda, fuel trims, intake temperatures, exhaust temperatures, fuel pressure, torque intervention, throttle closure and countless other parameters.
More importantly, he’s looking at how all of those things interact with each other.
A dyno pull might only last a matter of seconds but the data collected during that run can tell him a huge amount.
Make an adjustment.
Write the file.
Flash the ECU.
Run the car.
Log it.
Analyse it.
Adjust it again.
And then there’s probably the biggest misconception of all..
If Chris gets out of your car and starts doing something completely different, nine times out of ten your car is still doing something.
The ECU might be reading. A file might be writing. Software might be processing. The ECU could be going through an unlock or programming procedure. He might be waiting for something to complete before he can move onto the next stage, or simply waiting for temperatures to come back down before another dyno run.
Some of these processes take a couple of minutes. Others take considerably longer.
And unfortunately, Chris standing there staring intensely at the laptop doesn’t make the progress bar move any faster.
So rather than stand there doing absolutely nothing, he’ll answer someone’s question, speak to one of the lads, look at another job, make a brew or somehow end up in a 10minute conversation about something that has absolutely nothing to do with the MINI currently strapped to the dyno.
To somebody watching, it can look like he’s stopped working on the car.
In reality he physically can’t proceed any further until whatever the car or software is doing has finished.
In his head he’s still keeping track of exactly where that car is in the process, what he’s waiting for and what needs to happen next.
That’s the part of tuning people don’t really see.
It isn’t an hour of continuously pressing buttons and doing dyno pulls. There’s reading, writing, flashing, logging, analysing, adjusting, cooling periods, diagnostic checks and processes that simply have to be allowed to complete.
So if you’ve ever been sat in our waiting room looking through the window thinking:
“Why is Chris over there talking absolute b*****ks when my car is on the dyno?”
There’s a very good chance your car is actually busy doing its thing and Chris is waiting for it just as much as you are.
What people think Chris does:
Sits playing on his laptop, occasionally does a dyno run and spends the rest of the time taking the p***.
What Chris is actually doing:
About 100 things you can’t see, analysing an enormous amount of data and trying to extract the best possible performance from your car while keeping everything within the limits he’s happy with.
There is a lot more behind a proper custom calibration than pressing a “Stage 1” button and sending it.
And ironically a lot of the work that matters most is the stuff you can’t actually see.
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DervTech Tuning
🏠 Unit 3, Brimoto Trading Estate, Rossbank Road, Ellesmere Port, CH653AN
📞 0161 706 0586
📧 [email protected]
💻 www.dervtech.com
