This page is the result of a family's worst nightmare, the loss of our Son, Brother, Grandchild, Nephew, friend. On June 14th 2012 our lives were changed irrevocably. You can never prepare for pain such as this nor would I wish it on my worst enemy. The early days though brutal at times now feel like a gift...We now have traded shock & disbelief, numbness & hysteria for an ACHE more like the "Ghos
t Pain " an Amputee feels in the amputated limb. Now the loss permeates each day's events whether monumental or simple. He is everywhere yet frantically search my dreams & cannot find him ANYWHERE. It has been 11 & 1/2 months and it feels like 5 minutes ago & 5 years at the same time. I have BARGAINED, BEGGED, PLEADED, PLOTTED TO TRADE SOMEONE ELSE FOR HIS LIFE INCLUDING MY OWN REPEATEDLY. The rage that the world dares to keep spinning mixed with the desperation to ensure he never be forgotten. It leaves one feeling so completely & utterly crazy... A TRAIN WRECK. From the wreckage of this horrible event, from the loss of my entire lifetime there gratefully has become some tiny ray of purpose. That purpose is here. It is to Help Tanner's memory to live on. To continue the passion with which he put forth into everything he cared about. In his mind if you believed in something ( & he could be a very concrete thinker) there was no sacrifice too large. When he believed he USED HIS VOICE even when it was not the easy or the popular thing to do. He used his voice & he STOOD UP IN FRONT OF US ALL. That is more than some adults do their entire lives & that is what I hope to continue to do in his memory. So what exactly are we going to DO? First of all I believe that is a decision to be made by more than his biological family but include his huge network of friends, & family in his heart. So with a smile through a multitude of tears we start to research, to listen to each other, & most of all listen fr Tanner to guide us because I believe that he will...that he ALREADY HAS!
