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Post Round Dump, North Pole, Boston, MA (2026)

10/22/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF FLOATATION DEVICES:

In an unprecedented collision of top tier motorsport governance and local council aquatic bylaws, Supercars officials have confirmed that Walkinshaw TWG star Chaz Mostert has been formally barred from entering the deep end of the Surfers Paradise street circuit until he proves he can doggy paddle unassisted.

The ruling follows torrential downpours that will turn the Gold Coast 500 into a temporary brackish canal system, prompting Mostert to arrive in pit lane sporting a pair of high visibility inflatable armbands.

While the paddock initially took the water wings as typical pit lane larrikinism, a joint delegation from Motorsport Australia and the City of Gold Coast Parks & Recreation Department quickly stepped in. Under section 14B of the municipal pool safety code, any body of water deeper than a toddler’s gumboot requires strict parental supervision, thereby legally reclassifying the puddle strewn main straight as an unpatrolled council lagoon.

Supercars Race Control subsequently confirmed that while Mostert is legally cleared to pilot a 600 horsepower V8 touring car within inches of solid concrete at 250 km/h, his aquatic competencies remain entirely unverified.

More to come.

Walkinshaw TWG Racing
Chaz Mostert 🦟

10/22/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF SECOND COMINGS:
In what theologians, are already labelling the most significant resurrection since Lazarus shook off the dust, Aaron Cameron’s upper lip has officially come back from the dead.

Months after a devastating dispatch plunged the Australian motorsport fraternity into profound mourning, confirming the young wheelman had inexplicably taken a cold blade to his majestic, load bearing crumb catcher, balance has finally been restored to the cosmos.

At the time, the loss was felt right across the country. Fans were left wandering the paddock in a daze, wondering how a bloke could willingly surrender so much raw downforce, testosterone, and s*x appeal in one careless session in front of the bathroom mirror.
Yet, miracles happen in the most humble of places.

"I dropped to my knees right in front of the servo" said local Supercars devotee and self appointed couch telemetry expert, Jenny Tayliah.

"We thought the satche was gone for good, mate. When the news broke back then, blokes were calling in sick. Seeing that glorious furry caterpillar back where it belongs... mate, it’s proof there’s a higher power watching over pit lane."

Blessed be the bristles, and blessed be his satche.
Blanchard Racing Team
Aaron Cameron #3

10/22/2026

The Formula One circus has once again rolled into Texas, bringing with it the time honoured tradition of twenty young men who weigh less than an average sack of dry cement dressing up like 19th century frontier cattle barons.

Ahead of this weekend’s United States Grand Prix at the Circuit of The Americas, paddock personnel have confirmed that the world’s most coddled athletes have spent the last 48 hours undergoing an aggressive cultural transition.

Drivers who normally spend their autumns wearing tailored linen on the French Riviera have emerged in crisp, unscuffed raw denim, turquoise bolo ties, and cowboy hats bought twenty minutes after clearing customs.

According to team insiders, the annual cosplay ritual is designed to help the paddock “blend in with the local culture,”
Mercedes ace George Russell was spotted earlier today walking with the militant posture of an 1930s English schoolmaster, having paired a pristine cowboy hat, giving off the distinct aura of an overgrown English lad playing Woody from Toy Story.

Local pitmaster Tugg Mayhoff, who watched six drivers file into his barbecue joint in single file while carefully shielding their belt buckles from brisket grease, said the disguise wasn't entirely foolproof.
"Son, I’ve been smoking pork shoulders since before the Soviet Union collapsed, and I ain't ever seen a cowboy who had to look down at his phone to remember how to pronounce 'jalapeño,'" Dale said, watching a 56 milogram Monégasque multimillionaire struggle to finish a third of a rib.

At press time, several driver entourages were reportedly seen rushing to pack their Western wear away, preparing to land in Mexico City in the next week, where they will inevitably purchase a novelty sombrero within seven seconds of touching down on the tarmac.

10/21/2026

With a budget of $12 and a warm can of Monster found under the seat of his car, Toasty Trev tries to uncover what the bloody hell is happening the 2027 Supercars Calendar.

10/21/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF LAVA:

Motorsport governing bodies have today unveiled their boldest driver welfare initiative since the invention of the fireproof balaclava, confirming that the Gold Coast street circuit chicanes will now be lined with open trenches of bubbling volcanic magma to discourage drivers from jumping the kerbs.

The revolutionary safety upgrade comes after years of bureaucratic hand wringing over how to stop 650 horsepower touring cars from hopping the ripple strips down the Esplanade.

“Our number one priority will always be the health and wellbeing of the competitors,” explained a FIA Safety Delegate, casually gesturing toward a trench of 1,200 degree molten basalt.

The decision has been hailed as a breakthrough in race management by Supercars officials, who have spent the better part of a decade trying to adjudicate invisible electronic sensor loops while team owners scream down the pit lane phone lines.

Out on the circuit during the Thursday track walk, drivers were seen squinting through the shimmering heat haze rising off the apex of Turn 1.

“Look, you’ve gotta respect the FIA’s commitment to safety,” admitted one veteran Ford driver, shielding his eyebrows from the open flame.

However, the initiative has not been entirely without controversy.

At the time of publication, race engineers were frantically running simulations amid concerns that an incoming coastal shower could turn the chicanes into blocks of obsidian and inadvertently open an unscheduled Nether portal.

10/20/2026

Another round of bold predictions from myself and Post Round Dump, if you have any BOLD predictions leave them in the comments

Follow both RunningOn7Cylinders and Post Round dump for Supercars content, news and memes

10/19/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF GAINZ BRAH:

With meteorologists threatening a proper subtropical deluge just in time for the Gold Coast 500, a four tonne block of reinforced concrete stationed millimetres from the Turn 2 kerb has reportedly begun its final, high intensity taper phase.

The wall, which spends fifty one weeks of the year peacefully relaxing in a back depot of a storage yard, is preparing for three straight days of being used as an emergency brake by Australia’s premier touring car drivers.

Sporting fresh coats of sponsor paint and a festive strip of tyre bundle taped across its midsection like strapping on an aging front rower, the barrier appeared calm yet terrifyingly focused during track setup on Thursday afternoon.

"Bro, You can’t just roll out cold against twenty four blokes hopped up on adrenaline when the skies open up over the Glitter Strip," the barrier told local reporters.

Trackside observers claim the barrier has spent the week dry scooping pre workout and taking cold plunges in the nearby saltwater gutter, determined to hold the line when the inevitable red flags flutter over Main Beach.

Local council workers confirmed the chicane barriers have adopted a strict regime since the forecast went sour, with several barriers near the pit exit reportedly doing high levels of deadlifts and psyching each other up behind the temporary grandstands.

“Bro not even Ryan Walkinshaw cant barbell squat on my level brah” The barrier stated Concretetidly.

"Every year the commentators talk about driver bravery, but nobody ever asks how the wall feels about absorbing half a million dollars worth of carbon fibre and raw testosterone," the barrier added, rolling its non existant shoulders.

"When that track grease bubbles to the top after twenty minutes of coastal drizzle, they’re all mine bro. I'm taking doors, I'm taking wishbones, and I'm sending rear diffusers into the balcony of a third floor Airbnb. I've done it before, just ask Brodie or Scotty Mac.”

10/16/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF PUFF:

A mysterious cloud of nitrogen vapour and the unmistakable whistling sound of propulsion drifted across a Brisbane industrial estate this morning, as Supercars powerhouse Triple Eight Race Engineering reportedly prepared its final preparations for the Boost Mobile Gold Coast 500.

With the category heading down to the Surfers Paradise street circuit next week, pit lane anxiety has reached its traditional fever pitch over one recurring nightmare: kerb strikes.

However, whispers echoing out of Triple Eight’s Banyo workshop suggest team boss Jamie Whincup has decided to bypass kerbs altogether, taking direct inspiration from Elon Musk’s theatrical overnight reveal of the new Tesla Roadster.

Having watched Musk demonstrate the Roadster's optional 'SpaceX Package', which reportedly utilises cold gas thrusters to literally lift the vehicle off the bitumen and hover, the championship leading outfit allegedly put a company credit card down on two rocket retrofits before dawn.

"Look, we looked at damper bump stops, we looked at anti roll bars, and we looked at just telling Will and Broc to drive around the kerbs like sensible young men," said one Banyo mechanic, speaking under condition of anonymity.

"Then J-Dub walked into the workshop at 6:30 AM with a tablet playing Elon's presentation on repeat. He paused the video right when the Tesla launched itself into a mid air hover, turned around, and tapped the whiteboard."

"He said: ‘Boys, the Supercars Operations Manual says your wheels cannot exceed track limits. It doesn't say anything about the car possessing zero contact with the planet Earth.’"

"If the category wants to penalise us for a kerb strike, they need to prove our tyres touched the kerb. If our car is technically classified as an unmanned aerial drone between Turns 1 and 3, that’s an issue for the Civil Aviation Safety Authority, not Supercars Race Control."

More to come.

Red Bull Ampol Racing
Will Brown
Broc Feeney

10/16/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF HONK:

Bass Strait’s most combative avian collective has officially been placed on high alert this morning, following confirmation that the Supercars Championship will return to the Phillip Island Grand Prix Circuit on a multi year deal from 2027.

The deal, which ends an eight year category drought at the high speed circuit, means the local Cape Barren goose population will once again face off against Australian touring cars rather than the nimble, polite European motorbikes they’ve spent the last few seasons bullying off the track.

Flock patriarch and veteran tarmac agitator, Big Honk, a battle hardened gander who famously refused to yield the apex at Siberia during the 2018 sprint round, called an emergency muster in the Turn 4 tussock shortly after the press release dropped.

“At first, the boys were worried we’d be bored when the MotoGP mob packed for South Australia,” Honk honked, flicking salt spray from his primary feathers.
“A motorbike will swerve to save its front tyre. A bloke on an Aprilia values his collarbone. But a bloke in a Gen3 Camaro trailing thirty points in a Finals Series? That c**t will drive straight through a concrete block if it buys him three tenths on the exit of Lukey Heights.”

According to trackside observers, Drills spotted this morning include standing dead centre on the rumble strips while pretending to chew weeds, and Red flag occurrence training.
“The rookie goslings think they can just flap their wings and frighten a touring car,” Honk said, shaking his head.

“They’ve got no idea. When Cam Waters or Broc Feeney comes barreling over the crest at 250 kays with cold rears, you don’t flutter.

Meanwhile, the local seagull brigade behind the pit building has reportedly started drawing up tactical patrol routes for the Gardner Straight, ensuring that the windscreen of every title contender is thoroughly christened with chip grease before the green flag drops.

Supercars Phillip Island 500

10/15/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF MATHMATICAL ODDITIES:

A local man who holds dual doctorates in quantum mechanics and applied mathematics has today announced a temporary leave of absence, after suffering a catastrophic mental breakdown while trying to calculate how the f**k Liam Lawson hasn’t been signed to a full time Formula 1 seat for next year.

Dr. Lee Gahmaibawls, a bloke whose day job involves crunching predictive algorithms for multi billion dollar sovereign wealth funds, was found this morning rocking back and forth on the floor of his terrace, surrounded by three empty longnecks, a stack of telemetry data from the Dutch Grand Prix, and several butchers' paper sheets covered in frantic algebra.

According to family, the incident began during Sunday's debrief, when Gahmaibawls attempted to apply basic deductive logic to the Red Bull driver development academy.

Colleagues confirm Dr. Gahmaibawls had spent the better part of 72 hours attempting to build a linear programming model to understand the Red Bull hierarchy, only to find the variables kept defying the laws of classical physics.

"You run the numbers, and the equation always simplifies down to the exact same result: Just give the bloody Kiwi the keys!" muttered a visibly shaken Gahmaibawls.

At press time, Dr. Gahmaibawls was seen walking into his local bottle shop, having decided that attempting to comprehend Red Bull’s driver management pipeline was significantly more dangerous to human sanity than staring directly into a solar eclipse.

Liam Lawson

Post Round Dump

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