Captain Tootys Biker Smiles page

08/11/2026

The Sunday Morning Smile :
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.

See..? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10..!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde..?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy..?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy..?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

07/11/2026

The Silly Saturday Smile :
Three families die and they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates
St. Peter motions the first head of the family forward. "What have you done to deserve to get into heaven?"

The man dressed in a business suit said, "My family never wanted for anything and I provided whatever they needed."

"Yes." St. Peter said. "But you also loved money so much you married a woman named Penny."

P**f the family disappears in a puff of smoke and hellfire.

St. Peter motions to the second family to step forward. "What have you done to deserve to get into heaven?"

The second man, also dressed in a business suit said, "I was always there for my family and they were able to see everything they wanted."

"Yes," St. Peter said. "But you also loved alcohol so much you married a woman named Sherry."

P**f the family disappears in a puff of smoke and hellfire.

The third man dressed in biker leathers, turns, grabs his wife's hand and said, "We're not fooling anyone around here. Let's go, F***y." 😁🤣

06/11/2026

06/11/2026

Coffee first, scooter second… although by lunchtime it could easily be the other way around! ?￢ﾘﾕ? Happy Friday to everyone heading towards another weekend of scootering, friendships and fun.

06/11/2026

The Freaky Friday Smile :
Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch, when one of them says.
"I know that I'm going to have a boy."

The other two women think about that for a moment, and then one of them says. "OK, how do you know you're going to have a boy?"

"Well, when the child was conceived." Says the first women. "I was on top. So I'm going to have a boy."

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the second woman says. "Well, I'm going to have a girl."

"Okay." Says the first one. "How do you know you're going to have a girl?"

"Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom. So I'm going to have a girl."

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the third woman obviously getting more and more distressed, until finally she breaks down into horrible sobbing?

"What's wrong, what's wrong?" The first two women ask with concern.

The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough to only say one thing....
"I'm going to have a puppy!" 🤣🤣

05/11/2026

The Thirsty Thursday Smile:
THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A NEWCASTLE GIRL:

Three friends married women from different parts of the world:

The first man married a Greek girl.
He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai girl.
He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Newcastle.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned,
dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he urinates....😂😂

04/11/2026

YEP! 😎

04/11/2026

The Wacky Wednesday Smile :
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a law man. He grew up big, 6' 2'' and strong as a longhorn and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces:

When he finally became of age he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sherriff's Department.

After a big mess of tests and interviews the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.

The Chief Deputy says. "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good. But we have what you call an 'attitude suitability test' that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge son."

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief says. "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six ACLU lawyers, six m**h dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude." Says the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?" 😅